YCG Quotes Page:

Stephen:  "I've waited a long time to sniff Reading with that sort of power".

Holly: "Take me to Courtyard and ravish me."

Caitlin: "I heard radish me".

Billy: "Look at those big plums!" 

Simon (to Billy): "I find you constantly banging me very disconcerting".

Claire R: "This is not something I should wee on, but its fine I'm weeing on it anyway!"

Simon: "I have stamina".

Reading: "First you lick it then you suck them and stick them together".

Michaela: "... Now you know my flirting techniques".

Caitlin: "I'm good with my tongue".

Caitlin: "I'm going to juice up my baby thoroughly"

Caitlin: "He looks excited by the prospect of your beef"

Lucy: "I'm sticky everywhere"

Claire R: "This is the last place I want to take my trousers off"

Lucy: "I didn't realise you big it was...you don't get the full appreciation of it in the dark"

Caitlin: "If you hold your breath before you put it in your mouth"

Billy: [scrabbling under the sofa] 'Sorry, I was just collecting your balls'

Pearson: 'Lucy and George sitting in a tree...'

Lucy: '...R-I-N-G-I-N-G'

Pearson: 'Join YCG and stroke my soft hands'

Lucy: 'Come and stroke my puppy'

Holly: 'I'll ring my bell if you bang your drum'

Pearson: 'I could stick it out until two'

Sam: (to Holly) 'Am I squeezing you off?'

Kevin: 'The friction alleviated Holly's frigidity'

Char E: 'She was twaddling her paddle'

Stephen: 'I'm used to having a piece of wood in my hands...I like strumming things'

Eric: 'I will suck your thing dry'

Stephen: 'That's why I have twos they can rub me from both ends'

Reading: 'Is that a stripper? Can we go in there?'

Billy: 'Intercourse?'

Caitlin: 'no, Interpol'

Billy: 'That is an entirely different matter. I fell into that bush rather confidently' 

Eric: "He's eyeing up that sheep to make it his own"

Billy: "You pray to scarecrows, sometimes"

Eric: "That tower is highly phallic. Like two balls and a shaft"

Holly: " I've only got short legs."

Billy: "Spread 'em"

Billy: "I'm the stool, please move me"

Eric: "You can put it there; it might not be right though"

Holly: "Penis? Did someone say penis?"

Holly: "You can have it, stop groping"

Holly: "There's a lot of girth"

Claire: "I'm sandwiched between two men"

Nathan: "Can I reach inside your what?!"

Eric: "Don't worry. He pulled you off at the wrong stroke"

Billy: "Why would flick be a naughty word? What would you flick?"

Eric: (to Nathan and Claire) "You should definitely both be sterilised"

Billy: (to Claire) "Your breath stinks" *large pause*

Holly: "Can you do it with one hand?"

Claire: "Billy, where are you going?"
Billy: "I don't know but I just feel like a bit of parkour."

Caitlin: "It's not in the right bit, I can feel it."

Caitlin: But I've never fumbled his pigeon hole, so to speak."

Claire: "If you could *ahem* a shoe... then I would."

Sarah: "My nostrils don't flare when I'm aroused (nostrils flare)"

Eric: "Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, if you know what I mean..."

Reading: "(to Nathan) can I go over you? Or behind you? Or underneath you?!"

Pearson: "Eric has left red marks on my back"

Ralph: "This seems to me to be the sort of instrument you'd find in a sex dungeon"

Eric: "Let's make like the Labour party and split"

Reading: "I'm just putting my straw in the tomato. What's wrong with it? It's standing up..."

Reading: "ycg.orgy.uk"

Billy: "If you want to seduce me, the last thing you should do is call me William."

Reading: "Could you please go a bit further in?"

Holly: "I can't just dry swallow stuff."

Reading: "We've got a green back end!"

Reading: "Could you close your legs a bit? I'm falling through the hole..."

Billy: "Coor, if I was a woman!"

Eric: "So if we ring bob doubles, the composition will be....well the tenor will be behind..."

Holly: "His girlfriend had me and she had reinforcements coming!"

Caitlin: "Your badger now smells of Victoria Secret."

Pearson: "Someone just impregnate me already!"

Caitlin: "Can we squirrel away the giraffe?"

Pearson: "I'm always up for under the desk."

Pearson: "Psyched off my tits for food!"

Reading: "I was half awake, and I grabbed the nearest soft thing."

Reading: "You don't know how big I am.... [pause]... when I'm in bed."

Pearson: "Je suis very pissed"

Eric: "I've done it with people I don't know as well"

Eric: "I just love assertive old ladies"

Reading: "Can we just poo Eric's bubble please?"

Eric: "I too have a sentimental attachment to my digits"

Eric (to the Claires): "Have you two been spooning too closely?"

Holly (about Reading): "She's coming up between his legs!"

Billy: "They charge a bloody fortune for a pint in Cambridge, which is why I didn't start drinking until I came to Uni..."

Sarah: "Well, we were in the vestry earlier..."

Stephen (to Holly): "I'm long all over, have you not seen me?!"

Lucy (to Eric): "Come on! Get it up!"

Kevin: "Now spread 'em"

Reading: "Well you should have thought about that before you started licking it."

Sam: "It's not stalking until you get a restraining order."

Reading (to Eric): "I didn't realise you were this flexible."

Holly: "That's your stomach, and further down is something else... Do NOT rest your head on me, Eric! ERIC! ERIC!!!"

Charlotte: "Do NOT go down any further Eric!"

Reading (to Billy): "So do you dip your hobnob in the lady grey?"

Reading: "It is too wet down there"

Reading: "I spend too much time ringing other people's bells"

Sam: "Commando is soo good"

Ben: "I stroke my beard like I stroke my pussy"

Sarah: "I will go anywhere and in any position. I don't mind where you put me."

Sam: "Oh I missed out fanny"

Reading (to everyone): "We can't all ride Lucy at once."


Sarah: "I'm not very good at being a girl... I mean, I've got the ovulation bit down but everything else? Meh."

Charlotte: "I assume she's on birth control..."
Ben: "She's from Sheffield."

Sarah: "Eric and I were fantastic at stripping!"

Billy: "It makes me want to come again and again!"

Eric: "It's all about blunt force...!

Billy: "It's great because I get to live with Lucy and Claire in my final year!"

Billy (to Claire R): "Let me hold your satsumas."

Reading: "I wonder if you could get away with the whole sausage..."

Stephen (to Claire R): "You're so adorable." 

Stephen: "Charlotte I'm stuck in you hot pants!"

Stephen: "I'll swap blue boxers for a blue bra!"

Claire R:
"Did I eat my penny?!"

Claire, Claire and Lucy (in unison): 
"Tights up, skirt down!"
"Surely that should be the other way around..."

Nathan (to Lucy): 
"I'll do it with you. I'll keep you going!"

"The last girl I tried to do that to tried to bite me..."

Claire R (to Ryan): 
"You wouldn't let me shut my mouth!"

"You didn't try to force me into a position. Should I be offended?"

Claire R: 
"For goodness sake, my genitals really worked for that one!"

"The swift retraction of your legs gave quite an interesting sensation"

Lucy (to Ryan): 
"You're really hard."

"Let's take the coats off and we can do it properly."

"It was longer than I expected and going everywhere!"

"It doesn't seem to want to go down"

Clare R (to Nathan): 
"Would you like me to put it in?"
"... I was just being polite!"

"You can come to my house and drag me to the church, but you will not make me ring!"

"You're going to strap me to a chair?!"

Lucy W: 
"We could have an NUA take 2, and all sleep together!"

Ryan (to Claire R): 
"How tall do you like them?"

Lilah (regarding Nathan): 
"My nose went up his crack! ... through the sleeping bag!"

Claire R: 
"Are you ticklish?"
"Yes, but you have to do it in the right way."

Claire R: 
"It hurts to suck it!"

Charlotte A: 
"I will never learn place bells. I would rather die."

"There's an article I could read. But it was written in 1873 and talks about fairies so I'm not sure how accurate it is."

Kevin (observing the carrying of coal up a mountain): 
"It must have been quite hard for those hobbits. "
"They weren't carrying coal, they were carrying a ring... [pause] ...I wish we were carrying a ring."

"Is that water at an angle or what?"

"Oh ryan, did you really think putting the eggs on the dashboard was a good idea?"

Kevin (concerning his socks): 
"Mmm, potato fresh"

"I've been busy, I haven't had time for hygiene in the last three weeks"

"The key is to avoid the spinal cord "

Kevin (to Char): 
"You lie in the grass and I'll dive on you"

"I am good at teamwork as long as everyone does what I say "

Matt G (on introducing his girlfriend): 
"She is incredibly competent in many areas, but surprise royal is not one of them"

Becky (to Eric): 
"When a Latin dictionary is your comfort blanket, you know you have a problem"

"This would be far more interesting if we were all tied together"

"I don't understand bellringing"

"Are we seriously rolling backwards?!"
"Oh wait, I'm in reverse."

Becky (Gesturing wildly): 
"All rumours come from me!"

"Do you get the postman up your way?"
"Yes, but he only comes twice a week"
"But he delivers the mail every day"

Eric (to Anna-Lena): 
"I should stop playing with your thing"

"I can't, I actually have to watch a football match for my course"

"You should watch a really rough and dirty one"

"Stedman: It's just a lot of fucking around at the back"

"I think I will probably end up doing it"

"You didn't teach me to ring, but you taught me to ring well"

Becky (to Alex): 
"Can we not watch people having sex on my bed please."

"Isn't it great when the men dress up as women"

Ryan (concerning Polos): 
"It's hard; you're meant to suck it."

Ryan (to most of coach C standard class, RE: his encounter with Sara in the, now infamous, disabled toilet of Stretford church hall): 
"I remember entering, but not leaving. Though, I'm sure I did."

"What's brown and sounds like a bell?"

"Mine's quite big, but his is bigger"

Helen B: 
"Are you interested in bellringing?"
Random Person: 
"What? Like doorbells?"

"Handel is like musical sex."

"To the Bat Cave!"

"If I was to name a method, I would name it Frost Surprise Major. That way we could ring a 'Touch of Frost'."

Matthew Illman to James: 
"If we can find a good time I'll come over to your room and we can do it"

Adam Crocker to Lilah: 
"Ooh, I would love to be inside your head"

James Ramsbottom to Tom Luxford: 
"How do you get the Willy out?"
"What are you talking about?!"
Adam Crocker 
"Ooooh is that a long length then?!!"

"Sometimes I worry that my piss smells of cheese and onion crisps"

"I'm going to feel weird when I pull this out of my bum"

"Who's banging my bum?"

Helen R.: 
"I don't want to be an umbrella kebab...I'm not a kebab"

Helen R.: 
"Sam, that's sticky!"

Helen R.: 
"If my face was a whore, it would have been all over you by now"

"You stole my cherry! ... Both my cherries!"

"The same guy does my mum (Chiropractor)"

"I'll do you next"

"Helen this is so erotic - I love it." (Whilst making pancakes)

"Stop groping me, Sam! I want to get to her." (Whilst lunging for Helen R.)

"I'm well impressed, Lottie. I'll employ you as my fag lady!"

Helen R (to Lottie): 
"Wifey, I'm going to spike your cupcake with love juice."

"Helen, this is a bad idea. We'll have sticky ropes."

"How do you get chlamydia in your eye?"
"How do you think you get chlamydia in your eye?"

Tom (to Lilah): 
"If we find a sex rave party on Hull road, can we please not go to it?"

"I'm intending to become Kevin, actually."

"I don't like faffing around; I like to just get in, get out and go."

"Matthew was good on top, but next time we'll try with me on top and him behind."

"Are you actually comparing Kevin with Mr. Darcy?"

Helen (to Matthew): 
"You are not squatting in my room!"

"You think I'm going to do that on video?!"

"So you're a girl now?"
Matthew I: 

Matthew G: 
"I did Lilah at the NUA"

Matthew G (shocked): 
"Are you eating a salad, James?"

"This is O.K. to bash your head against, it's pretty soft."
Lottie (rapping her knuckles on the wall, hard): 
"Ow! No it's not!"

"Gillete for men, vibrating razor. that sounded exciting, so I bought one!"

"Will you sing with me, Sam?"
Sam (meekly): 
"It's early, and you've fed me Pringles and no water..."

"I give him alcohol, he gives me wet tissues."

"Get on your knees, Michael."

"Make your choice; Regina or heinous."

"He says this like I've never lent any of my underwear to men."

"Stop groping me!"
"I was helping... If I was groping you it would feel like this."

"I like a bit of chunk!"

"Hang on a moment! I should flash you, shouldn't I?"

Jen (to Beccy): 
"Swallow, swallow, swallow!"

"You can't beat a bit of wood."

"Eyww, eyww, man cooties inside my teletubby suit."

"Uh... Alice, one of us is one fire, and it isn't me."

"Come back, I'm not clever!"

"Come hither, Lucy..."

"Argh! Lottie was poking it in my ear!"

"I can't breathe"
"I can give you something to inhale on."

"Your orange TARDIS is wonky."

Lottie (with a barman behind her): 
"Some of these barmen are really hot!"

Paul Mason: 
"It's a very salty pint. Don't ask what's in it."

"They'll just think you've got 4-inch nipples."

"This is a treasure trove of humour. You can look back at this in five years' time and think 'what a bunch of losers.'"

"I don't think that's the best way to secrete it."

Karen (to Lilah): 
"Why are you looking a my tits all the time?!"

"Why's my bag all open?"
"Because I've been rifling through it."

"Haha, fingers, fingers!"

Matt G: 
"Guy whose name I can't remember... I've forgotten the question."

"A bar of chocolate's 40p, sex is more expensive."

"He was too conservative for [Lilah's] wild tastes."

"Celibacy is sounding more and more appealing."

"Surely the Efes man isn't that bad!"

"Arthur's not very camp."
Matt G: 
"He was when he was with me."

Karen (to Lilah): 
"May I supplant your crap and sit on it?"

Lottie Flower (dryly): 
"Yes, it's lovely. It's a circle with a flower... Oooh, flower! *squeak*"

"My whole life is an opportunity to be naked."

Matthew Illman: 
"I can't do you, I'm busy."

"Does it have sex in it?"
Kevin (disappointedly): 
"Oh. Ok then."

"I'm sorry, I'll stop stroking you."

"What're you doing, Lilah?"
"I'm just playing with my toy."

"I'm the new god. I am better than the old god."

David Roberts: 
"Zombies don't carry umbrellas."

"Just think of the stains!"

David P: 
"I just lay back and was perfect..."

"I've never been barred from anywhere."
"Sorry, you're trying to attract David Denbigh?"

James (to Jeni): 
"We didn't do anything with the banana last night."

Kevin (to Char): 
"What's my speech impediment?"
"You open your mouth and a load of rubbish comes out."

David P: 
"Do you want a job Charlotte? Sharpening my pencil?"
"Yes. I've already done that."

"I use the bum for everything..."

MJJ (to Nicola): 
"Do you have stretch marks?"

Are they truffles?
Yes, they're truffles. Well, I think they're truffles. Actually, what are truffles?"

I couldn't kill an animal. I could kill a human, no problem.

It's more when I'm awake, when I'm dreaming...

He's not on the list of men I'd sleep with, put it that way.

"As John Smith's goes, it was actually quite nice!"

David Denbigh: 
"The only thing I dreamt about last night was Kevin... dream after dream..."

Roy (to Lilah): 
"Oh, use me if you want."

Lilah (to Roy): 
"And then you started stroking your phallic wooden spoon and that was it."

"Shit in the bottle and you might get water."

Roy (to Kevin): 
"I might be pulling here - get off!"

Karen (to Roy): 
"Syphilis is quite exciting."

"I like the idea of pulling things off decisively."

"Karen's quite good. I've never experienced any problems sleeping with Karen."

Kevin (to Rob, discussing the merits of Lincolnshire S Max): 
"Is it pants then?"
Rob (to Kevin): 
"Er, it's not pants, but it's not exactly lingerie."

"I wouldn't say that I was a woman." *Giggle*

"I promise not to penetrate said sheep."

Karen (to MJJ): 
"You can tie me to your bed with bell ropes!"

"They all think I'm a genius."

"So I put it in my mouth and it was like 'Zzzz Zzzz' and I was like, bloody hell, this is really good."

"I'm not being spoken to like that by someone who doesn't have a degree."

MJJ (to Nicola): 
"Why don't you like rugby? The men are far fitter than in football. Their shoulders are far broader."

Kevin (to Char): 
"It took all my energy to get my leg there..."

"I can be sexy in my dreams"
Matt G: 
"You can be sexy in Arthur's dreams as well"

"You'd better dance with me at dinner day"
Matt G: 
"No, I'm going to dance with Kevin and make you jealous"

David Denbigh: 
"Helen, who I can't put my finger on, is coming"

Matt G: 
"I have grabbed David's nuts, they are quite warm"

David Denbigh: 
"I haven't had old Rosie for a long time"

Matt G: 
"So James, are you a guy or a doll?"

"The bitch is back"

Karen (to Daisy): 
"Hold still Daisy while I insert this pigeon."

"You know that the t-shirt that you wear doesn't alter who your parents are, as far as I'm aware"

"I don't remember."

David D: 
"Muffin me up"

"How many people have rung peals in these feet tonight?"

Matt G: 
"I can't possibly drink any more Pringles"

David D: 
"Oh yes, my shoe, that's the answer"

Matt G: 
"I was looking through photos on your camera and I thought 'who's that random girl?' ... and it was me"

"Open wide, I need to get the flash AND the zoom in"

"Be careful Nicola - Matthew Jones is talking."

"How can I fit all that in my mouth?"
David D: 
"Just open wide and think of me."

Rob (re David Potter): 
"You don't want to end up underneath him..."

Matt G (re MJJ): 
"He could clearly out run us..."

Matthew J: 
"I need it so that I can go to The Gallery, who's got my exam?"

Matthew J: 
"It was so exciting you could set your cat by the rhythm"

"I don't like golf. It's like ringing, but without the golf ball."

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I thought that if we both blow, it would stay up."

"I like it going in and out."

Taffus (on why he takes so long in the shower): 
"I've got so many bits to explore"

"I put my hand up Clare's chimney and there was quite a good draw"

Matt G to Kevin: 
"I can't reach down to your crotch area"

Matt G: 
"We were completely excited when we discovered the word sodomy"

Nicki C to Matt G: 
"No don't take it out, don't take it out!"
Kevin to Nicki C: 
"Do you shout that in moments of passion?"

Kevin to Daisy: 
"No don't squeeze it - just take it out! Hurry!"

Rob to Matthew J: 
"Don't hold my hand!"

Rob to Nicola: 
"Who would have thought such small hands could..."

"That was quite exhilarating!"
Matthew J: 
"Do you want to get down and do it again?"

Arthur to Nicola: 
"You didn't do me. No, that's wrong - you didn't navigate me"

"What's a five angled triangle?"

Matt G: 
"They were working me into the threesome somehow"

"Don't ask, just get it out!"

"I tossed and turned all night!"

Kevin to Rob: 
"My bum's really sore from what you did to me last night"

"I had Arthur up me the other day..."

"I think we [the YCG] should have a Christmas wanking session"

Jeni to James Knowles: 
"I was waiting...PULL OUT, PULL OUT, PULL OUT... but he didn't!"

"Damn - my cover's been blown. I knew I shouldn't have snogged him..."

Kevin to Nicola: 
"What position?"

"I'm swinging both ways at the moment"

Nicola to Kevin: 
"I can blow quicker than a foot pump"

Karen (following conversation about the man who distracts ringing at Spurriergate by using the toilet): 
"It was even better when the woman took a shower"

"I said I'd try a test one to see if I could swallow it"

"All you have to do is spoon with other people to keep warm"

Kevin to Charlotte (Leeds): 
"Does that go up when you're aroused? No, I meant stimulated"

"I'll have whatever's cheap and large"

"What are these knobbly bits?"

"Surrounding yourself with women is the only way"

"I don't squeal? It depends what you do to me..."

"I don't have dangly bits"

"Hang your coats on your nipples"

Kevin to Nicola: 
"I'll strip your willow any time"

"She obviously didn't enjoy the night as much as I did"

"I don't like beer"

David D to Nicola: 
"I'm sorry, you're not homosexual enough for me to ring at your wedding"

"Bellringing - it's like riding a bicycle only without the bell"

Matthew Jones to Pat Hearn: 
"I'll take you out any time, Pat!"

Arthur to Daisy: 
"You touched my... er... y'know..."

Rob (concluding a discussion on why people pay to go on ghost walks in York): 
"If I want to listen to a load of bollocks I don't need to pay for it. I can just go and sit in a pub with Matthew Jones for free."

Arthur to Matt G: 
"Can we get down a second?" [5 seconds later]... "That was quite entertaining. Can we do it again?"

Matthew Jones: 
"Arthur, I have memories of you being an innocent little boy."

Matthew Jones: 
"Am I in there?"
"Look under W..."

Karen Owen: 
"Don't stick my gecko in your ear."

Karen Owen: 
"Stop fiddling with my knobs."

Matthew Jones: 
"Where have you been?"
Matthew Jones: 
"Were you intercepted there?"

Matthew Jones: 
"That was the weirdest experience; I was sat in the urinal..."

Matthew Jones: 
"Arthur, have you been at it again?"

David Denbigh: 
"I've got the nickname 'The Beast'."

Matthew Jones (using his left hand to shake the torch which has to be shaken to charge it up):
"I'm practicing using the hand which I don't normally use."

Matthew Jones: 
"You're not supposed to talk. You just go to pull something!"

Matt G to Matthew J: 
"Face it Matthew, you just can't keep it up"
Matthew J: 
"Watch out, Matthew, or else I'll practice my bayonet drill on you."

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"Every time you open your mouth... 
No Matthew, don't put it in... 
Why are you putting it in?"

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I keep one hand on the gear stick at all times!"

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"I can't handle Matthew's head"

Taffus (yet again!) to Tim Bradley: 
"All I seem to do these days is fire blanks."

"I Know deep down you ALL would rather wake up with me! :) If for some bizarre reason you do end up waking up next to me - milk, no sugar!"

"There's nothing better than lying in sheep shit on the side of a wooded hill banging off a few rounds as fast as you can."

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I can just do without the bra but that's it..."

Female-who-shall-remain-nameless (referring to Matthew Jones in his army uniform): 
"What a babe!"

David (referring to quarter peals): 
"It doesn't matter if we don't get them."

David to Arthur (whilst attempting to ring down in peal): 
"Arthur, what the f*** are you doing?"

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"Ooh - I saw you thrusting out on the front page of the Ringing World."

David Denbigh: 
"I'm not stupid."