YCG Quotes Page:

Stephen:  "I've waited a long time to sniff Reading with that sort of power".


Holly: "Take me to Courtyard and ravish me."

Caitlin: "I heard radish me".


Billy: "Look at those big plums!" 


Simon (to Billy): "I find you constantly banging me very disconcerting".


Claire R: "This is not something I should wee on, but its fine I'm weeing on it anyway!"


Simon: "I have stamina".


Reading: "First you lick it then you suck them and stick them together".


Michaela: "... Now you know my flirting techniques".


Caitlin: "I'm good with my tongue".


Caitlin: "I'm going to juice up my baby thoroughly"


Caitlin: "He looks excited by the prospect of your beef"


Lucy: "I'm sticky everywhere"


Claire R: "This is the last place I want to take my trousers off"


Lucy: "I didn't realise you big it was...you don't get the full appreciation of it in the dark"


Caitlin: "If you hold your breath before you put it in your mouth"


Billy: [scrabbling under the sofa] 'Sorry, I was just collecting your balls'


Pearson: 'Lucy and George sitting in a tree...'

Lucy: '...R-I-N-G-I-N-G'


Pearson: 'Join YCG and stroke my soft hands'


Lucy: 'Come and stroke my puppy'


Holly: 'I'll ring my bell if you bang your drum'


Pearson: 'I could stick it out until two'


Sam: (to Holly) 'Am I squeezing you off?'


Kevin: 'The friction alleviated Holly's frigidity'


Char E: 'She was twaddling her paddle'


Stephen: 'I'm used to having a piece of wood in my hands...I like strumming things'


Eric: 'I will suck your thing dry'


Stephen: 'That's why I have twos they can rub me from both ends'


Reading: 'Is that a stripper? Can we go in there?'


Billy: 'Intercourse?'

Caitlin: 'no, Interpol'


Billy: 'That is an entirely different matter. I fell into that bush rather confidently' 


Eric: "He's eyeing up that sheep to make it his own"


Billy: "You pray to scarecrows, sometimes"


Eric: "That tower is highly phallic. Like two balls and a shaft"


Holly: " I've only got short legs."

Billy: "Spread 'em"


Billy: "I'm the stool, please move me"


Eric: "You can put it there; it might not be right though"


Holly: "Penis? Did someone say penis?"


Holly: "You can have it, stop groping"


Holly: "There's a lot of girth"


Claire: "I'm sandwiched between two men"


Nathan: "Can I reach inside your what?!"


Eric: "Don't worry. He pulled you off at the wrong stroke"


Billy: "Why would flick be a naughty word? What would you flick?"


Eric: (to Nathan and Claire) "You should definitely both be sterilised"


Billy: (to Claire) "Your breath stinks" *large pause*


Holly: "Can you do it with one hand?"
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Claire: "Billy, where are you going?"
Billy: "I don't know but I just feel like a bit of parkour."
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Caitlin: "It's not in the right bit, I can feel it."
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Caitlin: But I've never fumbled his pigeon hole, so to speak."
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Claire: "If you could *ahem* a shoe... then I would."
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Sarah: "My nostrils don't flare when I'm aroused (nostrils flare)"
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Eric: "Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, if you know what I mean..."
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Reading: "(to Nathan) can I go over you? Or behind you? Or underneath you?!"
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Pearson: "Eric has left red marks on my back"
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Ralph: "This seems to me to be the sort of instrument you'd find in a sex dungeon"
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Eric: "Let's make like the Labour party and split"
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Reading: "I'm just putting my straw in the tomato. What's wrong with it? It's standing up..."
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Reading: "ycg.orgy.uk"
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Billy: "If you want to seduce me, the last thing you should do is call me William."


Reading: "Could you please go a bit further in?"


Holly: "I can't just dry swallow stuff."


Reading: "We've got a green back end!"


Reading: "Could you close your legs a bit? I'm falling through the hole..."


Billy: "Coor, if I was a woman!"


Eric: "So if we ring bob doubles, the composition will be....well the tenor will be behind..."


Holly: "His girlfriend had me and she had reinforcements coming!"


Caitlin: "Your badger now smells of Victoria Secret."


Pearson: "Someone just impregnate me already!"


Caitlin: "Can we squirrel away the giraffe?"


Pearson: "I'm always up for under the desk."


Pearson: "Psyched off my tits for food!"


Reading: "I was half awake, and I grabbed the nearest soft thing."


Reading: "You don't know how big I am.... [pause]... when I'm in bed."


Pearson: "Je suis very pissed"


Eric: "I've done it with people I don't know as well"


Eric: "I just love assertive old ladies"


Reading: "Can we just poo Eric's bubble please?"


Eric: "I too have a sentimental attachment to my digits"


Eric (to the Claires): "Have you two been spooning too closely?"


Holly (about Reading): "She's coming up between his legs!"


Billy: "They charge a bloody fortune for a pint in Cambridge, which is why I didn't start drinking until I came to Uni..."

Sarah: "Well, we were in the vestry earlier..."

Stephen (to Holly): "I'm long all over, have you not seen me?!"


Lucy (to Eric): "Come on! Get it up!"

Kevin: "Now spread 'em"


Reading: "Well you should have thought about that before you started licking it."

Sam: "It's not stalking until you get a restraining order."


Reading (to Eric): "I didn't realise you were this flexible."


Holly: "That's your stomach, and further down is something else... Do NOT rest your head on me, Eric! ERIC! ERIC!!!"

Charlotte: "Do NOT go down any further Eric!"


Reading (to Billy): "So do you dip your hobnob in the lady grey?"

Reading: "It is too wet down there"


Reading: "I spend too much time ringing other people's bells"


Sam: "Commando is soo good"

Ben: "I stroke my beard like I stroke my pussy"

Sarah: "I will go anywhere and in any position. I don't mind where you put me."


Sam: "Oh I missed out fanny"


Reading (to everyone): "We can't all ride Lucy at once."

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Sarah: "I'm not very good at being a girl... I mean, I've got the ovulation bit down but everything else? Meh."
________________________________________________________

Charlotte: "I assume she's on birth control..."
Ben: "She's from Sheffield."
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Sarah: "Eric and I were fantastic at stripping!"


Billy: "It makes me want to come again and again!"

Eric: "It's all about blunt force...!

Billy: "It's great because I get to live with Lucy and Claire in my final year!"

Billy (to Claire R): "Let me hold your satsumas."

Reading: "I wonder if you could get away with the whole sausage..."

Stephen (to Claire R): "You're so adorable." 

Stephen: "Charlotte I'm stuck in you hot pants!"

Stephen: "I'll swap blue boxers for a blue bra!"

Claire R:
"Did I eat my penny?!"

Claire, Claire and Lucy (in unison): 
"Tights up, skirt down!"
Ryan: 
"Surely that should be the other way around..."

Nathan (to Lucy): 
"I'll do it with you. I'll keep you going!"

Ryan: 
"The last girl I tried to do that to tried to bite me..."

Claire R (to Ryan): 
"You wouldn't let me shut my mouth!"

Eric: 
"You didn't try to force me into a position. Should I be offended?"

Claire R: 
"For goodness sake, my genitals really worked for that one!"

Lucy: 
"The swift retraction of your legs gave quite an interesting sensation"

Lucy (to Ryan): 
"You're really hard."

Lucy: 
"Let's take the coats off and we can do it properly."

Lucy: 
"It was longer than I expected and going everywhere!"

Nathan: 
"It doesn't seem to want to go down"

Clare R (to Nathan): 
"Would you like me to put it in?"
"... I was just being polite!"

Lydia: 
"You can come to my house and drag me to the church, but you will not make me ring!"

Lydia: 
"You're going to strap me to a chair?!"

Lucy W: 
"We could have an NUA take 2, and all sleep together!"

Ryan (to Claire R): 
"How tall do you like them?"

Lilah (regarding Nathan): 
"My nose went up his crack! ... through the sleeping bag!"

Claire R: 
"Are you ticklish?"
Jac: 
"Yes, but you have to do it in the right way."

Claire R: 
"It hurts to suck it!"

Charlotte A: 
"I will never learn place bells. I would rather die."

Iain: 
"There's an article I could read. But it was written in 1873 and talks about fairies so I'm not sure how accurate it is."

Kevin (observing the carrying of coal up a mountain): 
"It must have been quite hard for those hobbits. "
Iain: 
"They weren't carrying coal, they were carrying a ring... [pause] ...I wish we were carrying a ring."

Iain: 
"Is that water at an angle or what?"

Kevin: 
"Oh ryan, did you really think putting the eggs on the dashboard was a good idea?"

Kevin (concerning his socks): 
"Mmm, potato fresh"

Ryan: 
"I've been busy, I haven't had time for hygiene in the last three weeks"

Eric: 
"The key is to avoid the spinal cord "

Kevin (to Char): 
"You lie in the grass and I'll dive on you"

Ryan: 
"I am good at teamwork as long as everyone does what I say "

Matt G (on introducing his girlfriend): 
"She is incredibly competent in many areas, but surprise royal is not one of them"

Becky (to Eric): 
"When a Latin dictionary is your comfort blanket, you know you have a problem"

Kevin: 
"This would be far more interesting if we were all tied together"

Kevin: 
"I don't understand bellringing"

Charlotte: 
"Are we seriously rolling backwards?!"
"Oh wait, I'm in reverse."

Becky (Gesturing wildly): 
"All rumours come from me!"

Ryan: 
"Do you get the postman up your way?"
Becky: 
"Yes, but he only comes twice a week"
Kevin: 
"But he delivers the mail every day"

Eric (to Anna-Lena): 
"I should stop playing with your thing"

Joost: 
"I can't, I actually have to watch a football match for my course"

Ryan: 
"You should watch a really rough and dirty one"

Joost: 
"Stedman: It's just a lot of fucking around at the back"

Ryan: 
"I think I will probably end up doing it"

Becky: 
"You didn't teach me to ring, but you taught me to ring well"

Becky (to Alex): 
"Can we not watch people having sex on my bed please."

Ryan: 
"Isn't it great when the men dress up as women"

Ryan (concerning Polos): 
"It's hard; you're meant to suck it."

Ryan (to most of coach C standard class, RE: his encounter with Sara in the, now infamous, disabled toilet of Stretford church hall): 
"I remember entering, but not leaving. Though, I'm sure I did."

Sara: 
"What's brown and sounds like a bell?"
"Dunggggg"

Ryan: 
"Mine's quite big, but his is bigger"

Helen B: 
"Are you interested in bellringing?"
Random Person: 
"What? Like doorbells?"

Tim: 
"Handel is like musical sex."

Char: 
"To the Bat Cave!"

Richard: 
"If I was to name a method, I would name it Frost Surprise Major. That way we could ring a 'Touch of Frost'."

Matthew Illman to James: 
"If we can find a good time I'll come over to your room and we can do it"

Adam Crocker to Lilah: 
"Ooh, I would love to be inside your head"

James Ramsbottom to Tom Luxford: 
"How do you get the Willy out?"
...Silence...
Lilah: 
"What are you talking about?!"
James: 
"Handbells"
Adam Crocker 
"Ooooh is that a long length then?!!"

Johny: 
"Sometimes I worry that my piss smells of cheese and onion crisps"

Lilah: 
"I'm going to feel weird when I pull this out of my bum"

Lilah: 
"Who's banging my bum?"

Helen R.: 
"I don't want to be an umbrella kebab...I'm not a kebab"

Helen R.: 
"Sam, that's sticky!"

Helen R.: 
"If my face was a whore, it would have been all over you by now"

Sam: 
"You stole my cherry! ... Both my cherries!"

Sam: 
"The same guy does my mum (Chiropractor)"

Tom: 
"I'll do you next"

Lilah: 
"Helen this is so erotic - I love it." (Whilst making pancakes)

Lilah: 
"Stop groping me, Sam! I want to get to her." (Whilst lunging for Helen R.)

Stephen: 
"I'm well impressed, Lottie. I'll employ you as my fag lady!"

Helen R (to Lottie): 
"Wifey, I'm going to spike your cupcake with love juice."

Lilah: 
"Helen, this is a bad idea. We'll have sticky ropes."

Kevin: 
"How do you get chlamydia in your eye?"
Jenni: 
"How do you think you get chlamydia in your eye?"
All: 
"...Eyww."

Tom (to Lilah): 
"If we find a sex rave party on Hull road, can we please not go to it?"

Tom: 
"I'm intending to become Kevin, actually."

Matthew: 
"I don't like faffing around; I like to just get in, get out and go."

Lilah: 
"Matthew was good on top, but next time we'll try with me on top and him behind."

Helen: 
"Are you actually comparing Kevin with Mr. Darcy?"

Helen (to Matthew): 
"You are not squatting in my room!"

Tom: 
"You think I'm going to do that on video?!"

Lottie: 
"So you're a girl now?"
Matthew I: 
"Yes!"

Matthew G: 
"I did Lilah at the NUA"

Matthew G (shocked): 
"Are you eating a salad, James?"

Sam: 
"This is O.K. to bash your head against, it's pretty soft."
Lottie (rapping her knuckles on the wall, hard): 
"Ow! No it's not!"

Lilah: 
"Gillete for men, vibrating razor. that sounded exciting, so I bought one!"

Lilah: 
"Will you sing with me, Sam?"
Sam (meekly): 
"It's early, and you've fed me Pringles and no water..."

Lilah: 
"I give him alcohol, he gives me wet tissues."

Lilah: 
"Get on your knees, Michael."

Kevin: 
"Make your choice; Regina or heinous."

Jeni: 
"He says this like I've never lent any of my underwear to men."

Sophie: 
"Stop groping me!"
Kevin 
"I was helping... If I was groping you it would feel like this."

Lilah: 
"I like a bit of chunk!"

Lilah: 
"Hang on a moment! I should flash you, shouldn't I?"

Jen (to Beccy): 
"Swallow, swallow, swallow!"

Sam: 
"You can't beat a bit of wood."

Beccy: 
"Eyww, eyww, man cooties inside my teletubby suit."

Mike: 
"Uh... Alice, one of us is one fire, and it isn't me."

Beccy: 
"Come back, I'm not clever!"

David: 
"Come hither, Lucy..."

Sam: 
"Argh! Lottie was poking it in my ear!"

Lottie: 
"I can't breathe"
Sam: 
"I can give you something to inhale on."

Lilah: 
"Your orange TARDIS is wonky."

Lottie (with a barman behind her): 
"Some of these barmen are really hot!"

Paul Mason: 
"It's a very salty pint. Don't ask what's in it."

Lilah: 
"They'll just think you've got 4-inch nipples."

Lilah: 
"This is a treasure trove of humour. You can look back at this in five years' time and think 'what a bunch of losers.'"

Karen: 
"I don't think that's the best way to secrete it."

Karen (to Lilah): 
"Why are you looking a my tits all the time?!"

Lilah: 
"Why's my bag all open?"
Karen: 
"Because I've been rifling through it."

Lilah: 
"Haha, fingers, fingers!"

Matt G: 
"Guy whose name I can't remember... I've forgotten the question."

Karen: 
"A bar of chocolate's 40p, sex is more expensive."

Karen: 
"He was too conservative for [Lilah's] wild tastes."

Karen: 
"Celibacy is sounding more and more appealing."

Karen: 
"Surely the Efes man isn't that bad!"

Lilah: 
"Arthur's not very camp."
Matt G: 
"He was when he was with me."

Karen (to Lilah): 
"May I supplant your crap and sit on it?"

Lottie Flower (dryly): 
"Yes, it's lovely. It's a circle with a flower... Oooh, flower! *squeak*"

Lilah: 
"My whole life is an opportunity to be naked."

Matthew Illman: 
"I can't do you, I'm busy."

Kevin: 
"Does it have sex in it?"
Emma: 
"No."
Kevin (disappointedly): 
"Oh. Ok then."

Emma: 
"I'm sorry, I'll stop stroking you."

Matthew: 
"What're you doing, Lilah?"
Lilah: 
"I'm just playing with my toy."

Beccy: 
"I'm the new god. I am better than the old god."

David Roberts: 
"Zombies don't carry umbrellas."

Arthur: 
"Just think of the stains!"

David P: 
"I just lay back and was perfect..."

MJJ: 
"I've never been barred from anywhere."
Char: 
"Sorry, you're trying to attract David Denbigh?"

James (to Jeni): 
"We didn't do anything with the banana last night."

Kevin (to Char): 
"What's my speech impediment?"
Char: 
"You open your mouth and a load of rubbish comes out."

David P: 
"Do you want a job Charlotte? Sharpening my pencil?"
Char: 
"Yes. I've already done that."

Jeni: 
"I use the bum for everything..."

MJJ (to Nicola): 
"Do you have stretch marks?"

Rob: 
Are they truffles?
MJJ: 
Yes, they're truffles. Well, I think they're truffles. Actually, what are truffles?"

MJJ: 
I couldn't kill an animal. I could kill a human, no problem.

Nicola: 
It's more when I'm awake, when I'm dreaming...

Rob: 
He's not on the list of men I'd sleep with, put it that way.

Rob: 
"As John Smith's goes, it was actually quite nice!"

David Denbigh: 
"The only thing I dreamt about last night was Kevin... dream after dream..."

Roy (to Lilah): 
"Oh, use me if you want."

Lilah (to Roy): 
"And then you started stroking your phallic wooden spoon and that was it."

Char: 
"Shit in the bottle and you might get water."

Roy (to Kevin): 
"I might be pulling here - get off!"

Karen (to Roy): 
"Syphilis is quite exciting."

Karen: 
"I like the idea of pulling things off decisively."

Char: 
"Karen's quite good. I've never experienced any problems sleeping with Karen."

Kevin (to Rob, discussing the merits of Lincolnshire S Max): 
"Is it pants then?"
Rob (to Kevin): 
"Er, it's not pants, but it's not exactly lingerie."

Daisy: 
"I wouldn't say that I was a woman." *Giggle*

Kevin: 
"I promise not to penetrate said sheep."

Karen (to MJJ): 
"You can tie me to your bed with bell ropes!"

MJJ: 
"They all think I'm a genius."

MJJ: 
"So I put it in my mouth and it was like 'Zzzz Zzzz' and I was like, bloody hell, this is really good."

MJJ: 
"I'm not being spoken to like that by someone who doesn't have a degree."

MJJ (to Nicola): 
"Why don't you like rugby? The men are far fitter than in football. Their shoulders are far broader."

Kevin (to Char): 
"It took all my energy to get my leg there..."

Matthew: 
"I can be sexy in my dreams"
Matt G: 
"You can be sexy in Arthur's dreams as well"

Arthur: 
"You'd better dance with me at dinner day"
Matt G: 
"No, I'm going to dance with Kevin and make you jealous"

David Denbigh: 
"Helen, who I can't put my finger on, is coming"

Matt G: 
"I have grabbed David's nuts, they are quite warm"

David Denbigh: 
"I haven't had old Rosie for a long time"

Matt G: 
"So James, are you a guy or a doll?"

Matthew: 
"The bitch is back"

Karen (to Daisy): 
"Hold still Daisy while I insert this pigeon."

Char: 
"You know that the t-shirt that you wear doesn't alter who your parents are, as far as I'm aware"

Kevin: 
"I don't remember."

David D: 
"Muffin me up"

MJJ: 
"How many people have rung peals in these feet tonight?"

Matt G: 
"I can't possibly drink any more Pringles"

David D: 
"Oh yes, my shoe, that's the answer"

Matt G: 
"I was looking through photos on your camera and I thought 'who's that random girl?' ... and it was me"

Kevin: 
"Open wide, I need to get the flash AND the zoom in"

Char: 
"Be careful Nicola - Matthew Jones is talking."

Jeni: 
"How can I fit all that in my mouth?"
David D: 
"Just open wide and think of me."

Rob (re David Potter): 
"You don't want to end up underneath him..."

Matt G (re MJJ): 
"He could clearly out run us..."

Matthew J: 
"I need it so that I can go to The Gallery, who's got my exam?"

Matthew J: 
"It was so exciting you could set your cat by the rhythm"

Kevin: 
"I don't like golf. It's like ringing, but without the golf ball."

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I thought that if we both blow, it would stay up."

Kevin: 
"I like it going in and out."

Taffus (on why he takes so long in the shower): 
"I've got so many bits to explore"

Kevin: 
"I put my hand up Clare's chimney and there was quite a good draw"

Matt G to Kevin: 
"I can't reach down to your crotch area"

Matt G: 
"We were completely excited when we discovered the word sodomy"

Nicki C to Matt G: 
"No don't take it out, don't take it out!"
Kevin to Nicki C: 
"Do you shout that in moments of passion?"

Kevin to Daisy: 
"No don't squeeze it - just take it out! Hurry!"

Rob to Matthew J: 
"Don't hold my hand!"

Rob to Nicola: 
"Who would have thought such small hands could..."

Kevin: 
"That was quite exhilarating!"
Matthew J: 
"Do you want to get down and do it again?"

Arthur to Nicola: 
"You didn't do me. No, that's wrong - you didn't navigate me"

Arthur: 
"What's a five angled triangle?"

Matt G: 
"They were working me into the threesome somehow"

Jeni: 
"Don't ask, just get it out!"

Taffus: 
"I tossed and turned all night!"

Kevin to Rob: 
"My bum's really sore from what you did to me last night"

Taffus: 
"I had Arthur up me the other day..."

Kevin: 
"I think we [the YCG] should have a Christmas wanking session"

Jeni to James Knowles: 
"I was waiting...PULL OUT, PULL OUT, PULL OUT... but he didn't!"

Karen: 
"Damn - my cover's been blown. I knew I shouldn't have snogged him..."

Kevin to Nicola: 
"What position?"

Kevin: 
"I'm swinging both ways at the moment"

Nicola to Kevin: 
"I can blow quicker than a foot pump"

Karen (following conversation about the man who distracts ringing at Spurriergate by using the toilet): 
"It was even better when the woman took a shower"

Jeni: 
"I said I'd try a test one to see if I could swallow it"

Arthur: 
"All you have to do is spoon with other people to keep warm"

Kevin to Charlotte (Leeds): 
"Does that go up when you're aroused? No, I meant stimulated"

Kevin: 
"I'll have whatever's cheap and large"

Kevin: 
"What are these knobbly bits?"

Kevin: 
"Surrounding yourself with women is the only way"

Kevin: 
"I don't squeal? It depends what you do to me..."

Nicola: 
"I don't have dangly bits"

Kevin: 
"Hang your coats on your nipples"

Kevin to Nicola: 
"I'll strip your willow any time"

Arthur: 
"She obviously didn't enjoy the night as much as I did"

Kevin: 
"I don't like beer"

David D to Nicola: 
"I'm sorry, you're not homosexual enough for me to ring at your wedding"

Kevin: 
"Bellringing - it's like riding a bicycle only without the bell"

Matthew Jones to Pat Hearn: 
"I'll take you out any time, Pat!"

Arthur to Daisy: 
"You touched my... er... y'know..."

Rob (concluding a discussion on why people pay to go on ghost walks in York): 
"If I want to listen to a load of bollocks I don't need to pay for it. I can just go and sit in a pub with Matthew Jones for free."

Arthur to Matt G: 
"Can we get down a second?" [5 seconds later]... "That was quite entertaining. Can we do it again?"

Matthew Jones: 
"Arthur, I have memories of you being an innocent little boy."

Matthew Jones: 
"Am I in there?"
Guy: 
"Look under W..."

Karen Owen: 
"Don't stick my gecko in your ear."

Karen Owen: 
"Stop fiddling with my knobs."

Matthew Jones: 
"Where have you been?"
Arthur: 
"Toilet"
Matthew Jones: 
"Were you intercepted there?"

Matthew Jones: 
"That was the weirdest experience; I was sat in the urinal..."

Matthew Jones: 
"Arthur, have you been at it again?"

David Denbigh: 
"I've got the nickname 'The Beast'."

Matthew Jones (using his left hand to shake the torch which has to be shaken to charge it up):
"I'm practicing using the hand which I don't normally use."

Matthew Jones: 
"You're not supposed to talk. You just go to pull something!"

Matt G to Matthew J: 
"Face it Matthew, you just can't keep it up"
Matthew J: 
"Watch out, Matthew, or else I'll practice my bayonet drill on you."

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"Every time you open your mouth... 
No Matthew, don't put it in... 
Why are you putting it in?"

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I keep one hand on the gear stick at all times!"

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"I can't handle Matthew's head"

Taffus (yet again!) to Tim Bradley: 
"All I seem to do these days is fire blanks."

Arthur: 
"I Know deep down you ALL would rather wake up with me! :) If for some bizarre reason you do end up waking up next to me - milk, no sugar!"

Taffus: 
"There's nothing better than lying in sheep shit on the side of a wooded hill banging off a few rounds as fast as you can."

Matthew Greenaway: 
"I can just do without the bra but that's it..."

Female-who-shall-remain-nameless (referring to Matthew Jones in his army uniform): 
"What a babe!"

David (referring to quarter peals): 
"It doesn't matter if we don't get them."

David to Arthur (whilst attempting to ring down in peal): 
"Arthur, what the f*** are you doing?"

Arthur to Matthew Jones: 
"Ooh - I saw you thrusting out on the front page of the Ringing World."

David Denbigh: 
"I'm not stupid."